There Is No Title

Last night I had a dream, I was in a hotel lobby with a man that I know. He was wearing a suit, which is pretty standard for him. I was dressed in a gorgeous long black gown, which is not so rare for me. We had been sitting together, however at the start of the dream we were leaving, walking in tandem, towards the exit. To our right, was a beautiful woman in a silver gown, playing the violin. He stopped to speak with her as we passed, I did not notice until I got to the hostess station. I turned to look back and got a sense that he was flirting with her. The hostess made eye contact with me and said, “You look very beautiful tonight.” I smiled and continued walking, leaving him behind. 

Last month, I took a chance on a guy that I knew and it did not go as I had hoped. This week, after a discussion about his capacity to be in a relationship at the moment, I went through a series of emotions, until last night I decided to let go of all expectations and allow the chips to fall where they may and trust that whatever happens will be what needs to happen. 

I have gained a lot of confidence over the years. It’s the kind of confidence that comes from overcoming the heartbreak of a hope that failed to come to fruition. We will always be impacted by the choices of others, and those feelings can fall deep in our shadow self, prodding at all corners of our wounds. Each time, I felt the grief and the feelings passed. I am not confident because I believe that I will never be disappointed or that rejection will not affect me, rather I am confident in my own resilience. Kate Bush would be proud.